Drops of Awareness

small bits of knowledge for easy conscious infusion into your life

Archive for the tag “thinking”

Why We Don’t Listen to One Another

listeningIn 1996 I learned an amazing lesson for myself when I took my first Landmark Forum. The program is an eye-opener for those curious in why life is going the way it is for us. We learned more than a dozen powerful insights or distinctions that weekend. When I returned home, I remember having an interesting conversation with my husband.

  1. I made a statement.
  2. He perceived it based on what he thought I meant.
  3. Then he reacted to his point of view.
  4. I told him that was not what I meant.
  5. He said but you said such and such.
  6. And around in circles we went!

It took me 3 tries explaining this distinction until he got that his perception of my intention was not the same as my intention! 

I realized he was actually having a dialogue with himself! I might as well have left the room because it was between what he believed I meant and his response to that!

Sixteen years later, having a conversation with a married gentleman at a social function (he was attending one of my mastermind groups) he shared about a breakthrough he had with his wife. As he told the story of realizing he really had never listened to her (the thing she kept telling him she wanted), the lesson from long ago ‘popped’ into my mind, as clear as it was all those years ago. I shared my conversation with my husband all those years ago … and he said exactly! I can share that his wife was thrilled that he got this because he was LISTENING TO HER, finally!

This is about distinguishing our perception of what someone else means … and checking in with them to see if the perceptions and your intentions match.

How often do we react to what someone says based on what we ‘think’ they meant?
How often has someone reacted to what you said — and they were way off base?

Without distinguishing this for ourselves, we never really listen – really listen to what people are saying. We are simply interpreting what we hear, based on our own view of the world; no two views are identical by the way, and then having a dialogue with ourselves!

Perception changes with new information so our ‘view’ of things changes when and if we actually take the time to find out what the other person really meant and wanted to share.

To make a change right now in your own listening, it would mean simply stopping a moment and asking the other person “did you mean this when you said thus-and-such?” (Successful sales people use this technique all the time with their clients. They know if their potential client is not ‘heard’ they will not buy.)

Without intentionally taking this next step, the other person is left unheard — and our greatest desire as humans is to BE heard and to MATTER. One person is right and the other is left feeling wrong. There is no room for a real dialogue. There is no collaboration. There is no growth.

Consider —  WANTING to know what they meant so you can find out WHY they said it and then expanding your own perception … while theirs is also expanding!

Characterization of God

MC900056759I caught the last 15 minutes of Joel Osteen’s weekly television show this morning. I rarely do, yet when I do, I always get an insight for myself. Today was no different.

Osteen talked about ‘God doing this,’ and ‘God doing that,’ to bring abundance, with a snap of his finger, into your life; bringing you from the back of the line to the front of the line, shifting the tides in your favor. He made God out to be a very busy man!

His presentation was speaker perfection … make a point, tell a story; make a point, tell a story … have a percentage of ‘feel good’ moments every so many minutes … the things I learned in 2009 from Speaker Expert Steve Siebold when I took his Gove-Siebold Workshop and became a certified speaker.

I noticed I saw for myself, I conjured up an image of God, as Osteen spoke — and gestured as God might, crossing his arms, granting wishes, changing the ‘wind,’ and I reminded myself that most all of us think in pictures, and images have us ‘feel’ a certain way, and the way we feel draws more of people with ‘that’ into our lives based on universal law. I saw a Santa-type, benavelent God. Do we each have our own unique character of God with which we establish quick rapport?

Osteen’s stories were motivating, Bible-based, and easy to understand, thereby boosting my own vibration and good feelings, further peppered with hope and gratitude — deriving the EXACT vibration for optimum co creation! As God moves to us, through us, and on to the next being, to be honored with this repeating process forever — we are in best harmony or flow with universal law when in the state of gratitude and love.

“I am the mirror of your greatness and you are the mirror of mine.”

“I shine an intense light in the world. How big my light appears to you is in direct proportion to the light you have within yourself.”

So I concluded that it is not the characterization of God that causes good fortune. It is using that image to find, match, and feel, and then generate the vibration of love and gratitude to quickly align, and co-create life in optimum abundance, by being precisely who and what we will attract. Consistently generating this feeling, the more we easily build Faith in the power of the universe to bring us the things we want.

“We bring up this perfect feeling at will by always and intentionally looking for the greatness in others.”

If we recognize love and gratitude in others it means we have it in ourselves. The more we purposely practice looking at people and situations this way — finding the good — the more often and quickly we are in collaborative alignment with God and universal law. As we ascend our personal mountain of conscious awareness leading us again to our genius and infinite potential, we look back and realize what seemed to be a convoluted path getting to this level, really was a simple straight line to live our unique purpose of service, and once again become one with all there is.

All God’s Children Get Stuck

I’ve said it … and heard other say it all too frequently … “I’m stuck!”

Stuck-ed-ness stems from Confusion – what to do next, how to do it, how to pay for it, what will people think, and on and on.

Have you noticed that we humans don’t get into Action until we have a clear picture in our mind as to our next step. We’re happy to move out on an idea IF and WHEN …. we know the next step, where to go, what to do, etc.

To say “get yourself unstuck or free yourself” is easy to say, HARD to do! Saying does not make it so.

Making this simple, most often we get ‘clear’ and then move into action, when we can ‘see’ the issue in all its glory.

So what if the issue is “I’m stuck generating $50k a year and can’t seem to go any higher.”

I can tell you “it’s simple, really, WHY you are stuck.” But that’s not enough for you (and me) because ‘saying it doesn’t make a difference.’ You have to BE SHOWN!

We are stuck because no matter what we tell ourselves or others, WE DO NOT BELIEVE WE ARE …

  • Capable
  • Worthy
  • Talented
  • Deserving
  • Supported
  • Loved …

or a plethora of other self demeaning beliefs we have about ourselves, all provable by the way via our own experiences!

It would make no sense at all if when we were born, we each received $10,000,000,000 in our baby buggy from God … and off we go, living into our birthright — Abundance!

The intricacies of our universe are diverse and exact and in God’s infinite wisdom, we were given the gift  of conscious awareness so that we can be, do or have whatever we want, as long as we do not violate the rights of others. We flourish most when we keep learning.

Only human beings can take an idea (thought energy) and move it through 4 stages (transmutation of radiant energy) into physical form. WE HAVE TO THINK to live in abundance.  We are all alchemists.

We humans NEVER OUT PERFORM what we BELIEVE we can do. Our bank account and lifestyle matches what we BELIEVE. And what we believe about our abilities WE CANNOT SEE!

So if you can’t SEE it, then how can you be clear enough to take action? Good question.

You need someone who is CLEAR on how human beliefs are formed – the process. Again this sounds simple, however, I’ve spent 15 years developing personal development and leadership skills and I can tell you it took me years to expertly guide YOU into your own beliefs. It’s not a nice place.

Often I hear people say “I am worthy!” Yet they live meagerly and have little or nothing to give back (a requirement for keeping what wealth you have). They simply do not believe it of themselves.

If you ARE worthy, talented, deserving, capable, supported and/or loved, your lifestyle would match those things.

I walk people right into their own subconscious mind. And we laugh! And we USE the process to create NEW beliefs in ourselves so that our lifestyle and bank accounts FINALLY MATCH WHAT WE BELIEVE about ourselves!

Part 2 Achievement: Self-Image and Beliefs of the ABSOLUTE ABUNDANCE & WEALTH Workshop Series will be held Friday October 5, from 9-1 at Executive Suites Training Center, Lafayette Village. THIS IS THE ONE you want BEFORE you set even one more goal! Why set a goal based on what you believe you can do now … BEFORE this workshop? What you believe now is NOT what you will believe at 1 pm on October 5!

This experiential workshop is non linear and designed to have you learn, apply, laugh and grow in awareness of your true and INFINITE potential – you know the potential with which you were born!

The 3rd Part Goal Setting is Friday Nov. 2, same times, same location. NOW you can set REAL goals that MATCH your true and NEW BELIEFS about your ability.

We have to make the effort. This workshop will be fun, informative and one person will walk away with a crisp $100 bill. It’s all designed with YOUR GREATNESS in mind!

DETAILS/REGISTRATION

If you are unable to attend, you can schedule a couple of hours with me, one on one. I’ll ask you questions and show you images that will clear things up for you initially. Then it will be up to you.

In either case, you can know absolutely what you BELIEVE by looking at your lifestyle and bank account. Then if it doesn’t please you as it is … it will be TIME to reshape those beliefs!

7 Qualities of Coaching Excellence

This article featured in Inner Change Magazine for September 2012. It is my intention that if you are looking for a coach … and even in the thinking about it stage … you will find great value here my friends.

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When we get a university or associate degree or a coaching certificate, it means we have done the book work. The degree or certification does not mean we will become an expert or even be very good in the practical application of this material.

It is important to find someone who is not only an expert but who is also a good fit. Someone could be highly skilled but might not resonate with you and, conversely, a poor coach might seem like a good fit but is not very skilled.

1. The expert coach strives to follow an industry-wide code of ethics.

More and more coaches are becoming part of the newly formed “Experts Industry,” a professional association that is establishing a code of ethics as well as business parameters for personal, business, and life coaches. Until late 2011, the coaching industry operated, to the best of my knowledge, with no official code of ethics. Without agreed upon boundaries and parameters in doing business, regardless of the field, some coaches will be honest and some will not. I look forward to this ‘industry association’ keeping coaching a ‘clean’ business.

2. The expert coach is a good listener.

An expert coach has done a tremendous amount of inner work with his or her own coach. Shutting down personal inner chatter is required to really listen to the client. This coach will repeat back to the client precisely what he or she heard, making absolutely sure the client is understood.

3. The expert coach is deeply curious.

The coach-client relationship is unique and more transparent than any other relationship between humans. As a result of item 2 above, to be the client’s biggest cheerleader, a coach must step out of his or her own world … and step into the world of the client. Now the expert coach can clearly see the client’s greatness and infinite potential. The coach already knows we each have these qualities buried within our beliefs as to our abilities.

4. The expert coach can ‘set aside’ his or her own point of view.

It really takes expertise to step into the client’s world and see her, and only her. A coach who judges the client and has poor pure listening skills cannot be your biggest proponent.

5. The expert coach is accountable.

Expert coaches often have their own coach, being proactively responsible and accountable for their own personal growth. They also have ‘blind spots’ that prevent them from putting aside their own points of view so they can be the ‘observers.’ Being coached and growing as a coach is just as important as being a coach for someone else. Expert coaches must learn and grow even faster than their clients.

6. The expert coach looks for what is missing in the client’s thinking.

The expert coach, with pure listening, sees through the blind spots and the things the client does not see. Once determined, the expert coach will begin a dialogue that will have the client ‘seeing’ her blind spots for herself.

7. The expert coach asks questions 98% of the time.

The expert coach knows through his or her own training that clients already have all the answers within them. And because the coach can ‘see’ what’s missing in their client’s thinking or thought process that would make a difference for them on-the-spot, it’s a challenge to just not ‘tell’ them what appears obvious. Asking questions is a skill. It’s easy to ‘tell’ someone what they can do. Do you, the client, want to learn to fish, so you can eat for a lifetime? Or would you prefer finding someone every day to do your fishing for you?

How Much Money are You Leaving on the Table?

Summer is a slow season for many businesses, corporate or non. Take the janitorial business as example, depending on keeping public schools tidy, that are closed for summer, winter and spring holidays, all totaling likely more than 4 months of the year, or at least a dozen work days, that the business is ‘slow.’

First, who ‘says’ it’s a ‘slow season?’ Why … the MASSES do! And … as proven time and time again, the masses are always wrong about everything, and always will be!

I know that while it may be true that summer is a slow season in an industry, I also know that there is other business that can be gleaned during these so-called ‘slow periods.’ Taking time with new clients, revisiting older ones, investing in your education, and products for your industry. [If the industry is made up of the ‘masses,’ which of course it is, they too believe it and often discount their prices to match the common ‘belief.’]

The questions are

  1. WHY do we buy-into the ‘slow season?’ 
  2. Why do we settle for limited income during these times? 
  3. Why are we leaving an improved lifestyle … on the table, as we kick back and ‘do less’ during those months? 
  4. What don’t I know yet that could make a difference in how I spend those 12 weeks?
  5. What do the very few that are ‘thinking’ … let me get strategic about my industry … how can I continue to be of service during ‘slow times’ to boost the bottom line?

The answers to these questions are all based on what we ‘believe’ we are capable of doing … and worthy of having, basically. We never outperform what we believe we can do. We have been programmed all our lives that ‘winter holidays, summer and spring holidays’ are times to vacation, to not work as diligently as during the balance of the year. So we believe it’s true.

I am here to tell you it IS true … and … it is NOT true. BOTH are accurate.

We each get to CHOOSE which perspective we WANT! We do it all the time … on purpose or by default. The masses allow these societal beliefs to frame their world by default; the few of each hundred KNOW that the opposite is always the way to go!

The human performance gap — between ‘knowing’ what to do … and ‘doing it’ — is MANAGED 100% by these old beliefs. When you start thinking strategically about HOW YOU ARE THINKING … your beliefs about your ability will shift from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I sure as heck can!’ The sooner you start focusing on your thoughts, the sooner your lifestyle will change.

Example: Take 4 new sales people, brand new to an industry and in training to learn the products. No one knows anything about the products and they have the exact same training. When they go into the field, after the first month, 3 of them did much the same in sales volume; one, however, did three times what the other 3 did! After 3 months, the same thing!

Why? They all had the same training. No one knew anything about the products to begin with.

That one person believed they were capable of being a good sales person; worthy of the commissions desire; and called on clients, even during the ‘slow season.

Start doing what you know to do today to enhance your business and ignore societal programming, letting you off the hook for living the lifestyle you deserve. Most people only ‘get this’ on their death bed. You can be different.

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©Leslie Flowers June 2012, exponential personal growth expert, helps mature women re-engineer their businesses and their lives by steeping them in living life with principles and virtues. Faculty member in Mindset Mastery at the Ultimate Life company, with Bob Proctor, you can catch her programs on mastermind excellence and expert goal setting at their site. You may read her archived voluminous personal growth teachings — Drops of Awareness — at PathsofChange.com, which house each step on her own path of change over the past 10 years.

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